I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
