The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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