plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
