Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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