we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
