he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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