the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
