Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
