Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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