Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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