My Higher Power is John Stamos
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize