the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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