Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
