How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
