Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
