Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
