May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
