My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
