i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
