I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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