So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
