i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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