I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
