i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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