I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
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