DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
