I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
