I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
