She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
