I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
