I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
