true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
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It was like getting head from an anaconda
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
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You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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