I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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