where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
