oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
