So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Farmville is her only friend.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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