all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
