I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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