what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Couch. On fire.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
