I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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