he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
