Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
