Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
