She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
