Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
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Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
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What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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