remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
