How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
stop calling my apartment porn island.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
