Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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