So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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