Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
