I am midnight drunk by noon
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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