I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
