i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
