There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Randomize
