This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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