I'll bet she douches with gravy.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
