i think my tv is drunk
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
