My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
