Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
