I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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