I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
