Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
