Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
