If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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