My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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