I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
