3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
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Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
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Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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