I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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