I think I won the penis lottery.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
