Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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