I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize