She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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