Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
wanna go halves on a baby?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
