We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
