Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
