it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I will be naked everywhere
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
