he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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