How'd it feel making her break her religion?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Randomize
