i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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