the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
he laminated a picture of his dick.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
