Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
