They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
