True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
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He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
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Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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