the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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