he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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