This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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